Are We There Yet? (2005) Spoiler-Filled Review/Rant: Is It Over Yet?

 

The early-to-mid 2000's was home to a lot of mediocre, live-action family films. It started with the success of "Home Alone" and various studios and writers trying to recapture that success by having a famous actor being tortured by kids. Whether it's "Jingle All The Way" or "Daddy's Day Care", these comedies were everywhere and it got old real fast. "Are We There Yet?" was basically following the leader during its release and actually managed to spawn both a sequel and series. So, maybe it's one of the better copy-cay films of the genre, right?

Positives: 

• The premise works, albeit on the dramatic side. Nick Persons is a mid-aged bachelor who falls in love with Suzanne Kingston, a single mother who is charmed by Nick's love for baseball and being able to drive her to work when her car breaks down. When Suzanne travels to Vancouver for a business event, Nick, hoping to win Suzanne over, offers to take her kids to her when their father refuses to look after them. However, Nick isn't a fan of children and Suzanne's kids hate Nick as they see him trying to get with their mother despite them wanting their dad to get back together. From then on, it's a road trip with goofy moments and close-calls. I think what works about the premise of the film is the conflict. It makes sense for the kids and Nick to hate each other, but their growing bond and chemistry actually works in wanting the three to make amends with one another. The scene where the kids learn for why their dad refuses to see them is effective in terms of how the character dynamics alter so the kids and Nick start to respect each other more. 
• Ice Cube as Nick. Not only is he the best actor in the movie, but Nick manages to be the only likeable character in the film due to his consistency. While the movie is trying to make Nick's life a constant hell, both the film and characters do start feeling bad for him. While Cube isn't really a dramatic actor, I do think that the character of Nick is done well in terms of realism and relatability. 
• The cast in general. I will go a bit more about why they don't work well later, but the actor and actresses attached to the characters are generally pretty good. It's just the writing that holds them back.
• The cinematography by Thomas Ackerman. While the majority of the film has obvious sets and standard shots of the interior of the car, it's the roadtrip landscape, aerial shots and establishing shots that add some flair and actual effort into an otherwise low-budget comedy.
• The music by David Newman. While I have criticized his offerings and he typically puts out some generic tracks in the film, the third act overall has some good holiday/emotional music that work at trying to end the film on a heartwarming beat.
• The soundtrack. There's some good R&B songs such as Nelly's "Ride With Me" upon the reveal of Nick's Navigator and that 50 Cent song Nick tries to play in the car. Even the damn Hamster Dance manages to work for the family film aesthetic and characters.
• The car chase at the end of the film. It's not super special, but the involvement of Ernst the goofball driver and filming in an actual street in Vancouver makes the sequence fun and feel like they actually tried to make an above-average film.

Negatives:

• The tone. It's kind of bizarre in how an immature family film has an overarching plot of a simp trying to get a single mother. The film basically admits that Nick is just trying to have sex with Suzanne and it's such an odd backdrop for an otherwise over-the-top slapstick movie. I usually like a hint of maturity or adult edge to family films in regards to relatability and themes, but the issue with the inclusion of Nick trying to get with Suzanne is that it's such an adult subject matter in a film where a deer beats up Nick and a sequence where Nick is trying to find a restroom for Kevin to pee in.
• The humour. Despite the sexually charged storyline and a joke where an elderly babysitter lusts for Nick for a bit, the film is really juvenile and tries to offer slapstick and gross-out jokes whenever possible. Does it makes sense when airport security dog-piles Nick for having a corkscrew? Does it make sense when Kevin projectile vomits on the windshield of the car without warning? Or when a truck driver named Ernst automatically help Nick without logic? No. It's like a zany cartoon. Again, that would be fine if the entire film was like this. But considering that the film both has a story about the lead trying to have sex with his love interest and the dramatic moments revolving about father figures and such, it's such a huge leap in contrast. On top of that, it's rarely funny. I only laughed three times in the movie. The first with the imaginary friend-zone announcer in the airport, the second when Nick and Kevin find a disgusting toilet in the men's bathroom, and the third with Ernst's introduction. Aside of that, the film is either really juvenile with the gross-out humour, overplaying the slapstick sequences, or even being stereotypical in regards to the Chinese mechanic or the Amish.
• The rest of the characters in terms of being likeable or logical. First, there are the kids. Lindsey is the typical smart girl with sass who doesn't know what a litre is, while Kevin is the brother with asthma, his fixation on a superhero toy, and seems to tolerate Nick a bit more than Lindsey. While the kids are acted fine for the most part, the issue is that they can be really unlikeable in the first half. They tend to screw over Nick and try to make him suffer either because they tend to be either really stupid or cruel such as getting off the train or trying to get help from a redneck truck driver. When Nick chews them out for the car being destroyed, their attempts at crying feels so forced and fake that it's almost comical. On top of that, we have seen this archetype done to death in so many shows and movies that it's not even funny. Despite this, they do start becoming more enjoyable by the end of the film.
• While Suzanne works well for being the single mother and Nick's love interest, the moment where she appears to not want anything to do with him at the end of the film is uncalled for. Yes, Nick is making a bad impression by fighting the police and snowman performers, but she still sees him taking care of Kevin and managed to get them to her by the end of the deadline. So, Nia Long and the character as a whole isn't bad, but just really confined into the cliched narrative.
• Jay Mohr as Marty, Nick's best friend who's both unfunny and unnecessary to the film. All he does is talk about how Nick is a simp and that's really it.
• M.C. Gainey as Al, the truck driver who "helps" Kevin and Lindsey after believing that Nick is a kidnapper. Al is just a terrible character. For one, rather than calling the police, he instead tries ramming Nick's car with the kids inside against the guard rail next to an edge of a bridge. What a hero, huh? Also, when he shows up back at the end and still believes to be saving the kids, he comes across as a creepy pedophile as he snatches Kevin.
• Tracey Morgan voicing the bobble head of Satchel Paige. Satch is the worst character of the film due to how random he is as a character, how painfully unfunny he is, and the CGI on him being just awful. Satch is supposed to be like Nick's conscience, but it doesn't make sense as to why it's represented by a CGI bobblehead rather than an actual person of his imagination. All Satch talks about is either bad jokes about his treatment as a bobblehead or reinforcing Nick's lust for Suzanne. I seriously don't understand why this character is in the movie and the fact that he was written out for the sequel shows that even the writers know how bad he was as a comic relief.
• The direction by Brian Levant. If the name doesn't strike a bell, it's because he was the same director behind "Jingle All The Way". It completely explains why this film feels so much like the former, but yet even less ambitious. Levant's creativity is completely dried for this film as all of the comedic situations feel typical of the genre or unnatural for the film. The part where Nick and the kids stop at a town during a New Year's party with crazy kids all around is just to have Nick being dog-piled by a bunch of kids just to checkmark the cliche. The scene where Nick fights a deer practically rips-off the moment where Arnold in "Jingle All The Way" fights a reindeer. The film has not one, but two train chases where Nick has to reunite with the kids. Even the film itself has to borrow from its own damn script to add more potential for comedy.
• The editing by Lawrence Jordan. While the film is only an hour and a half, it feels like it can be far shorter as scenes feels either cut short or needlessly added in. There's a minute-long montage where we have sped-up footage of Nick helping out Suzanne that shows the same action of him picking her up and taking her to work. The scenes with Marty and Satch can be completely removed as the two don't add anything to the story or comedy whatsoever.  There was a reaction shot with an old lady in a grocery store that wasn't necessary as we never see this old lady prior.The scene where Nick has to get Kevin to pee is cut short as an obese women starts attacking them and Kevin pees on her face. We don't see the women again or even the aftermath in the convenience store. Al is introduced not when he tries saving the kids, but reacting to Nick getting a fake axe in his groan for no reason. Jordan's editing is just really messy and feels as a desperate man trying to make a film reach to the ninety-minute mark by inserting pointless scenes with no rhyme and logic while trimming scenes that could have been funny.

"Are We There Yet?" is a below-average family film that almost manages to work in the tired genre and cliche environment. The premise works in terms of the few dramatic and character-building moments, Ice Cube as Nick is both the most likeable and relatable character in the film due to all of the suffering he has to endure, the cast as a whole act well, the cinematography by Ackerman can be decent at times, Newman's score offers some decent emotional tracks that are effective during the ending, the soundtrack as a whole is well put together and charmingly dated for the mid-2000's, and the car chase during the end is quite enjoyable. Regardless, it's not an easy film to sit and watch patiently. The tone feels completely off with the absurd situations with the sexually-charged backdrop, the comedy rarely earns laughs with overbearing uses of slapstick and gross-out jokes, Lindsey and Kevin are both cliched and unlikeable brats during the first half of the film for making Nick's life hell, Suzanne is just a typical love interest confined to the tropes of the story, Marty is a useless and unfunny comic relief, Al is a creepy and unlikeable antagonistic force in the film, Stach is a poor excuse for both comedy and CGI, Jordan's editing is painfully adding filler and lame jokes to pad the running time, and Levant's direction is both extremely generic and lazy to the point that he has to rip off comedic beats from both films of the genre and even the film itself. Despite all of these issues, I have seen and heard of worse films in the genre with "Dr. Dolittle" and "My Spy" being the top contenders of crappy family films. "Are We There Yet?" is like endurance, similar to Nick's journey. There's a lot of pain and boredom in the journey, but the destination manages to kind of make up for it by the end, even if it's for a brief moment.

Verdict: 4.5/10. Bad, but not terrible attempt at family entertainment. Still managed to laugh and be invested despite the poor craftsmanship.